Time went by so quickly. And so very slowly. It is strange how time can be perceived so differently, depending on perspective.
And looking back, I can’t believe I’ve managed to get to where I am. A year ago, I didn’t think I would make it through that week, or month… It has only been possible through the support of family and friends. Without all these wonderful people I would definitely be lost in a very dark place by now.
I’ve spent endless hours trying to figure out where I’m at and where I’m heading. Still no good answer to that. And it’s the same for all of us, regardless of circumstances, because it just dawned on me: it’s really not about where you’re going (because we simply don’t know) but it’s about the journey…
I had planned to have lots of friends around, celebrating Peter’s life, on this specific day. First of all, because that was the only way I could imagine spending that day. Secondly, to have friends bring positive energy, good memories and smiles into our house on that day would change the way I will deal with this date in the future. And I think it worked well. There was a moment, before the guests started arriving, when I had a small melt-down. This happens sometimes, and it’s scary how the physical reaction leaves me in a shivering, sobbing heap, unable to do anything at all. Somehow, I picked myself up, and once friends started filling up the house everything was all good again. Peter’s favorite music on a loop, wine, cheese and snacks on the table. It turned out to be just the way I had hoped.
I’m definitely well on my journey into the future. It’s a one-way ticket, so there are no do-overs, no turnarounds. But there is definitely time to pause and enjoy the good moments, and the little things in life.